New Year Resolutions - Really.......

It's this time of the year - when we all RESOLVE to do something to make our life better - atleast that's what I understood about resolutions.

A decision to act / do something to ensure we have a better life than the past year - and since we CHOOSE to ACT it becomes obvious that the situation will be better...

But do we really "Choose to ACT" at all....

The entire social media and mindshare of common man is engulfed by grief about the "Delhi Rape Case".

Yet - many believe this is a one off case that caught media fancy - which is why there is so much information about it. Can we discount this claim - unfortunately NO.

All of us are sad and concerned - Sad about the state of affairs and the inability of OUR elected representatives to do anything at all...

And concerned that tomorrow it might be any one of us - and it would be no different - just a different name and a different photograph....

But then "What can we do?"
- We are so away from the crime scene
- We don't have any control over how people in Delhi behave
-  We can only feel bad - not in our hands really.........

IS IT REALLY

How many of us have witnessed eve teasing - when the victim is another girl and we just walk past  saying this is all common - Reasons are any of these

- She must have done something - we don't want to get into a mess
- I am not a local here so I better stay out
- He is a local goon so its very unsafe

And the one that takes the Cake - "I'm in a hurry - no time". If the victim were you then.... do u think that girl there has the time and is enjoying it???

So REALLY if you WANT a New Year Resolution that truly impacts your life then "Choose to ACT"..

• Every time you see someone downplaying a girl or talking crap about a girl - getup and talk - don't just listen like dead wood - speak up right there....

• Every time you see a girl being troubled - try and help her - there must be some smart way to save a girl out of an uncomfortable situation

• Every time a girl refuses - RESPECT her choice - and let her be

• Every time there is an IDIOT who states "We can't do anything - its the girls fault" give them one tight slap and tell them tomorrow it could be your sister / daughter then would you think the same?

AND Most IMPORTANT - It's the current generation of Guys who NEED to do this...

You are the lucky lot who get to enjoy the company of intelligent , independent women who can think and act on their own - who give you space and work with you to make life better at home and work.

You are the lucky lot for whom some of the most intelligent women have given up their careers to be your wives - would you do that for them - I doubt....

So when some IDIOT is stereotyping women as dumb decorative pieces - if you keep silent - you rather deserve a sample of that rather than the gem of a person you currently have.......

SCHOOLS and COLLEGES - are to be ready to - they have all senseless lessons in life - Wonder why "SELF DEFENSE" is not an important part of it.

I would make the parents of girls responsible too - if your daughter can come out of school being a math / science wiz why not a black belt in karate....

You have the common sense to take "Child Education Insurance" for the future have you thought of Child Safety insurance in the form of Self Defense....

I might sound very negative/pensive and angry but its true - parents today are busy sending their daughters to dance classes and music classes even to finishing schools - which I agree is good in a way - but why not Karate / any other self defense class.

How many parents of boys have thought of sending them to finishing school to learn how to behave well with a lady? - They would learn as they grow up right - why this fundamental difference in thought process - this is where the differences start from - HOME.

Exercise and fitness is a priority for boys why not girls - the fitter they are the better they can handle any such mishaps - if they are all alone.

I know this is all a vent and wishful to a certain extent - but its also very practical to my mind. As a child my parents gave me a lot of independence to do what I liked , have fun and discover life with a sense of safety...... we MUST work to pass on that as a LINEAGE to the next generation.

Girls/ Boys - all of them from the next generation must be taught "Lessons in Respecting Women" and valuing them in the system at all levels.

Am not sure how much this makes sense... but my New Year Resolution - for now is to "Choose to ACT"...... and ACT at the right time........

 Wishing you all a Happy New Year where you choose to make it a better life for yourself..........

 

 

Happy 2013......

 

Whom are we punishing really????

Like always this post has been lingering on in my mind for a while. And after seeing a series of events I realize I have this persistent question propping up time and again.....

Think about it :

Normally, In a scenario when someone errs - whom are you punishing and whom are you rewarding...

Let me give you some examples:

Case 1: At work

Your team decides to go on a movie outing and do a consensus say 50% of the people agree to come (the rest do not). At the last minute there are a few more dropouts so you are left with only 25% of the people coming now.

What do we normally do - Cancel the program

Whom have we Punished: The people who accepted and have stuck to their word and have taken time out for an outing.

Whom have we rewarded:  Those people who either ignored the event or changed their mind in the last minute.

And then when we do an event the next time do we really have the right to complain that people are not participating - did we bother to go and check why - maybe they think "it won't happen anyways"...

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?

Case 2: With Children

A group of kids are supposed to attend a drawing class. All the kids are on time and 2 ppl haven't come.

What do we normally do - Wait for 5 minutes

Whom have we Punished: The children who bothered to come on time and ensure that their sense of discipline and seriousness is intact.

Whom have we rewarded: The children who are late , and this to ensure that they do no miss out on any thing important in the lesson.

The child who goes on time will reason the next time "It doesn't matter if its 5 minutes late - the teacher will wait anyways - so we can go late".

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?

Case 3: Anyone who does a great job and gives you NO trouble

 This could be anyone - your driver , your maid , your team member at work - anyone at all. They do a great job - they don't do beyond their limits but what they do they do impeccably well.

You don't have to follow up , remind , review , check and verify any of their work. One said you can forget peacefully and the job will be done. There are no concerns on rework.

Blind rule - that person occupies minimum mind share and you can delegate and sleep peacefully.

All of us have such people around us.

Now - If this person were replaced with another who is not upto the mark - we then pull up our socks - we give them special attention - more time - more energy and we are generous with praise.

After goofing up a couple of times when they finally get it right we not only praise then but also give them "Rewards and Recognition".

Whom are we punishing really: The person who is good with their work and is great to have around.

Whom are we rewarding really: The person who is erring and learning and may be or may never be as good as the efficient person.

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?


Personally I don't have any problems with recognizing anyone who has stumbled and then learnt - but we must make it a point to recognize and give credit to the people who are correct from the start.

All the cases above talk of people who were right/ good from the beginning Versus people who were either wrong / learnt later in terms of expertise.

We often ignore that we are punishing the wrong set of people and sending across the wrong message then HOW can you expect to see a change.

You encourage one type of behavior and act stressed / surprised if you get the same back next time........ not done........

As I list down all these cases - I am just trying to get conscious about my own reward/punish impulses. 

"Actions speak louder than words" and as a parent I might be sending very Wrong messages to my children about what is desirable/ correct Vs what is undesirable/ incorrect.

No amount of talking will substantiate the correctness but one action from our side will put it all in perspective.

As I write this down I will be happy if a few people become cognizant of the powerful Rewarding / Punishing syndrome and work to ACT and SPEAK in alignment....

See you till something strikes again.....  :D :D
 

The Battles Within........

Today in a rather pensive mood after a particularly sleepless night - thanks to my 1 year old who decided to maximize his playtime till 1 - I am in a Zoombied -Deep Thinking state.

For those of you who think that's fiction - wait to be a parent please.....

It's one of those "Smashaana Variagyam" characteristics - when in the midst of darkness you find yourself thinking of major topics of enlightenment..

In my case I am thinking of a tonne of them at one shot - whoever said Women can multi-task meant multi-think and multi-conclude too...

So just to give you a sample of the clutter that's playing symphony in my head I am categorizing the TOP 3 discussions happening right NOW.

Read at your OWN RISK Please...........


1) Work Versus Stay at Home

Every working mom goes through this - ALWAYS - there is no liberation from this argument unless you give up the Job I guess. On any given day your child might choose to wail out "Maaaa" and your head and heart will go in unison - "See he needs you - you need to be at home - work can happen later in life" and so on........... But the mind in all its sensibilities is telling me - you career and job IS your first baby - you nurtured it with the same effort like your kids - you put energy into it just like you do for your kids. If you had a 3rd child would you drop it because the first 2 need you - and then the answer is there. I respect every mother who gave up a flourishing career for the children. I would not have been writing this if decisions were soo easy for me. I continue to work and yet continue to face the battle within........BUT am I convinced am not sure.

Will I EVER be sure - I'm not sure about that either (dunno what emoticon can really express how I feel).


2) Eating Right for the Body Versus Eating Right for the Mind

Essentially a battle of Nutrition Versus Cravings and at times Hormones and PMS and everything else in the middle - that piles onto the middle eventually. The almighty creator didn't really understand equality - how else could he have given people such varying weights and such varying physical personnas. I have a friend Uma (coincidentally today is her B'day) - yeah we are namesake - if you look at us you could pass a law against naming such contrasting ppl with the same name... All her life she has been trying to gain weight - yeah u read it right...... and here I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Accepting one's physical limitations (or excess ) is tough, but to be put into an environment that screams how different I am from the norm and one where I am surrounded by ultra slim GLAM Moms - who are discussing how to lose the last 500 gms and last 1/2 cm to fit into the latest LBD is unfair.

All this and expecting me to be perfectly rational as well as normal and ACT Naturally as if nothing happened - is Unrealistic. Sometimes I am forced to wonder if I am from a different Planet altogether.......

Will I ever be in compliance with the norm - maybe never - so do I accept myself and make peace - I am not sure about that either..............


3) The want and the need (what's right and what's left)

So much for trying to explain this philosophy to my child and him nodding his head - me feeling happy he understood the most important lesson of life. Till he comes and tells me yesterday - "I want Bay Blade Stadium" - No No Wait "I Need a Bay Blade Stadium - so get me one soon". :( :( :(

I wish I was so clear about my wants in life..... They are so many that even dreaming of them is costly of late. It's got nothing to do with the actual spend - this is all mental - all within... Just as "Being Contented” happens within "Wanting / having desires" happens within. And it's a tough balance to strike - to be able to decide the need Versus want of anything. It's like running an enterprise and checking the balance sheet. Being Aware of this battle and knowing that it occurs every time we make a decision to buy is important. It can help us to not give-in to impulse purchases as the experts call it..................

But when the heart wants it - the mind doesn't stand a chance...... poor thing's voice is drowned in the exciting music that the heart orchestrates as we aspire to fulfill the materialistic desire.............

Will I ever reach a point where I will weight every purchase decision logically as a Want / Need - maybe never - So do I really accept to be faulty and start practicing "how to tame your desires" course - I'm not sure about that either..........

Now - with soo many conversations happening within - and  A Job, 2 kids and a Home to run....... Atleast for Today - anyone asking me to "Simplify Life" is just sooooo finished........
 

Motherhood - an emotional journey

I am a New Mom - a second time around.. like they say - its never enough experience for somethings in life and "Childbirth" is one such thing.

No 2 pregnancies are alike and no 2 babies are similar and you as a MOM are not the same too.

The family and the social fabric that changes also bring in a tonne of challenges. The first time its about discovering parenthood - if that is true then the second time around is about ENJOYING it all over again - knowing what to expect and expecting the joys .

The first one year of the baby is a beautiful time - especially for the mom - because NOTHING else is more important to the baby than you. A feeling that is unparallel.

A feeling that most moms cherish deep within forever - even if the child is 30 and has found their own nest.

My elder one all of 7 has his own agenda now - but I still wish I could go back in time and be THE special one - but like they say time flies - in case of children it flies like a super-sonic jet.....

A couple of years from now - I will be managing a teenager - the thought sends down a shiver down my spine. The social feedback on teens is not helping either - I hear bizzare stories about everything that could go wrong.

I sometimes have begun wondering if we have become epitomes of negativity - we hardly have positive things to share as parents - we are totally ready with handy incidents that went wrong and in that process we have successfully petrified a mom who was otherwise fine...

All this translates to some nightmares sometimes - especially since the mothers are the more emotional lot - also probably because deep within our children are still infants - forever.....

The father let's the child grow and grow up- I guess mothers dont let that happen too easily - naturally so because bonding with the father happens when the child grows - with the mother its the other way round...

My lil fellow is 10  Months old now - has starting standing and walking with some help - is discovering sounds as he blabbers - I AM still THE MOST PRECIOUS person to him - But I can see his intrest in cars , bikes and all other things that his Big Bro likes - they bring a spark to his face and he lights up... Good yes er actually I don't know....

Deep within I wish I could slow this whole process down - I wish I could make the first 2 years to take 20 and the next 18 to take 2 - I would be solving soo many probs with this... I would get soo many more moments of  mommy-time.

Sighhh this is just a wish and as I know this I congnizantly slow down with life, work and other stuff - including dusting and cleaning.

10 years later I might have a designer house - but now I have my babies who still hug me and cuddle me and run to me and cry for me ... and I am enjoying this

This is precious and worth savouring slowly - all else can wait...........

Including weight loss :P :P

Trip to Tirumala - the 3 Gundus

This week - we just came back from the pilgrimmage called Tirupathi. At the end of the trip I had several things..

3 Gundus (DH and 2 Sons) and 3 ailments - the Cold and Cough and Throat Infection decided to stay loyal to me. Also they decided to bless my kids as well. As a result I have been working from home this whole week.

As an educated lady I totally understand when people ask me to keep away from crowds since I could be the "Infection Giver". But what I fail to understand is how to stay away from my infant and still take care of him and still ensrue that he doesnt catch a cold. -- Innovation anybody - badly needed here please............

Coming back to the Trip to Tirupathi - this place is belssed - the trip is a testimony to several good qualities in us as human beings.

Patience is a Virtue - long forgotten - that we are reminded of when we yearn to have a darshan, the time taken to reach to the sanctum sanctoriom is a process of purification in itself. We have got used to quick money and easy luxury and have forgotten that patience (for 9 months) is what actually got us into this world...

All Humans are equal - NO MATTER what arrangements we make, how much we plan in advance , who gives letters and where we stay, whether it takes 2 hours or 24 hours to each the darshan point,  in the end - the Darshan is Divine - Enticing and its equal to all - the diety is visible exactly for 1-2 minutes in a normal case.

But hey, how many of us really pray whole-heartedly without any desires to GOD beyond these 2 mins. Check yourself out. If you can stand in a temple for more than 2 minutes and if your mind doesn't start reeling desires - you are an enlightened soul..........

The Darshan in Tirupathi is soo pious because its devoid of desires for many - the sheer appreciation of the diety and the admiration of the Diety that you have soo longed to see is purely spiritual, since we do not get time beyond that.

I have completed a trip with 2 kids - however I have enjoyed this (just like all my earlier trips to Tirumala) and am eager to go again whenever life permits.

To add to it , I am currently feeling pretty nice given I am surrounded by 3 gundus of very different size, shape and color :)

Back with a bang

After more than a year - have resolved to restart this activity.

During this 1.5 years - I have travelled to the US for a trip to meet my sister, have had my second baby - thus completing my family and have done many other good things and not so good things too....

Recently, I was exposed to a training on "Decluttering your Life" and "Spending your time on what YOU choose to". I quite surprisingly realized I wanted to spend time writing this BLOG.

This is not only an opportunity for me to pen my thoughts but a reflection of it for me to come back after sometime and experience these moments again.

So I have decided to start writing again - the posts may be lacking in purpose / a certain theme but there will definitely be something that I enjoyed or something that made my life worth it.

For now - I introduce my family of 3 Men (Niranjan Mantha, Hitesh Mantha and Dravid Mantha). The ernest yearning for a daughter has not frutified so I am busy making up for all this by treating myself to all the shopping and pampering  I can (since I stand sans competition in my family).

This year 2012 - has been quite a beautiful year for several reasons. After probably dilly-dallying for almost 9 to 10 years I have started driving. The sense of freedom is still sinking in - but it is precious.

I started learning swimming - didn't get to the finish - but having experienced the underwater buoyancy - I am sure I will go back and conquer that beast as well.

Family complete - brings home to me a major responsibility - to loose weight - not only the post-partum but also the earlier mess that I have managed to amass with great gusto.

I am still warming up to the idea of doing this seriously but do I MUST - its just round the corner - how far the corner is - is the eternal question :P.

All said and done you will see much more of me this year and going forward as I write to myself about myself for myself........

Thinking and Thunking all over again........