The Battles Within........

Today in a rather pensive mood after a particularly sleepless night - thanks to my 1 year old who decided to maximize his playtime till 1 - I am in a Zoombied -Deep Thinking state.

For those of you who think that's fiction - wait to be a parent please.....

It's one of those "Smashaana Variagyam" characteristics - when in the midst of darkness you find yourself thinking of major topics of enlightenment..

In my case I am thinking of a tonne of them at one shot - whoever said Women can multi-task meant multi-think and multi-conclude too...

So just to give you a sample of the clutter that's playing symphony in my head I am categorizing the TOP 3 discussions happening right NOW.

Read at your OWN RISK Please...........


1) Work Versus Stay at Home

Every working mom goes through this - ALWAYS - there is no liberation from this argument unless you give up the Job I guess. On any given day your child might choose to wail out "Maaaa" and your head and heart will go in unison - "See he needs you - you need to be at home - work can happen later in life" and so on........... But the mind in all its sensibilities is telling me - you career and job IS your first baby - you nurtured it with the same effort like your kids - you put energy into it just like you do for your kids. If you had a 3rd child would you drop it because the first 2 need you - and then the answer is there. I respect every mother who gave up a flourishing career for the children. I would not have been writing this if decisions were soo easy for me. I continue to work and yet continue to face the battle within........BUT am I convinced am not sure.

Will I EVER be sure - I'm not sure about that either (dunno what emoticon can really express how I feel).


2) Eating Right for the Body Versus Eating Right for the Mind

Essentially a battle of Nutrition Versus Cravings and at times Hormones and PMS and everything else in the middle - that piles onto the middle eventually. The almighty creator didn't really understand equality - how else could he have given people such varying weights and such varying physical personnas. I have a friend Uma (coincidentally today is her B'day) - yeah we are namesake - if you look at us you could pass a law against naming such contrasting ppl with the same name... All her life she has been trying to gain weight - yeah u read it right...... and here I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Accepting one's physical limitations (or excess ) is tough, but to be put into an environment that screams how different I am from the norm and one where I am surrounded by ultra slim GLAM Moms - who are discussing how to lose the last 500 gms and last 1/2 cm to fit into the latest LBD is unfair.

All this and expecting me to be perfectly rational as well as normal and ACT Naturally as if nothing happened - is Unrealistic. Sometimes I am forced to wonder if I am from a different Planet altogether.......

Will I ever be in compliance with the norm - maybe never - so do I accept myself and make peace - I am not sure about that either..............


3) The want and the need (what's right and what's left)

So much for trying to explain this philosophy to my child and him nodding his head - me feeling happy he understood the most important lesson of life. Till he comes and tells me yesterday - "I want Bay Blade Stadium" - No No Wait "I Need a Bay Blade Stadium - so get me one soon". :( :( :(

I wish I was so clear about my wants in life..... They are so many that even dreaming of them is costly of late. It's got nothing to do with the actual spend - this is all mental - all within... Just as "Being Contented” happens within "Wanting / having desires" happens within. And it's a tough balance to strike - to be able to decide the need Versus want of anything. It's like running an enterprise and checking the balance sheet. Being Aware of this battle and knowing that it occurs every time we make a decision to buy is important. It can help us to not give-in to impulse purchases as the experts call it..................

But when the heart wants it - the mind doesn't stand a chance...... poor thing's voice is drowned in the exciting music that the heart orchestrates as we aspire to fulfill the materialistic desire.............

Will I ever reach a point where I will weight every purchase decision logically as a Want / Need - maybe never - So do I really accept to be faulty and start practicing "how to tame your desires" course - I'm not sure about that either..........

Now - with soo many conversations happening within - and  A Job, 2 kids and a Home to run....... Atleast for Today - anyone asking me to "Simplify Life" is just sooooo finished........