New Year Resolutions - Really.......

It's this time of the year - when we all RESOLVE to do something to make our life better - atleast that's what I understood about resolutions.

A decision to act / do something to ensure we have a better life than the past year - and since we CHOOSE to ACT it becomes obvious that the situation will be better...

But do we really "Choose to ACT" at all....

The entire social media and mindshare of common man is engulfed by grief about the "Delhi Rape Case".

Yet - many believe this is a one off case that caught media fancy - which is why there is so much information about it. Can we discount this claim - unfortunately NO.

All of us are sad and concerned - Sad about the state of affairs and the inability of OUR elected representatives to do anything at all...

And concerned that tomorrow it might be any one of us - and it would be no different - just a different name and a different photograph....

But then "What can we do?"
- We are so away from the crime scene
- We don't have any control over how people in Delhi behave
-  We can only feel bad - not in our hands really.........

IS IT REALLY

How many of us have witnessed eve teasing - when the victim is another girl and we just walk past  saying this is all common - Reasons are any of these

- She must have done something - we don't want to get into a mess
- I am not a local here so I better stay out
- He is a local goon so its very unsafe

And the one that takes the Cake - "I'm in a hurry - no time". If the victim were you then.... do u think that girl there has the time and is enjoying it???

So REALLY if you WANT a New Year Resolution that truly impacts your life then "Choose to ACT"..

• Every time you see someone downplaying a girl or talking crap about a girl - getup and talk - don't just listen like dead wood - speak up right there....

• Every time you see a girl being troubled - try and help her - there must be some smart way to save a girl out of an uncomfortable situation

• Every time a girl refuses - RESPECT her choice - and let her be

• Every time there is an IDIOT who states "We can't do anything - its the girls fault" give them one tight slap and tell them tomorrow it could be your sister / daughter then would you think the same?

AND Most IMPORTANT - It's the current generation of Guys who NEED to do this...

You are the lucky lot who get to enjoy the company of intelligent , independent women who can think and act on their own - who give you space and work with you to make life better at home and work.

You are the lucky lot for whom some of the most intelligent women have given up their careers to be your wives - would you do that for them - I doubt....

So when some IDIOT is stereotyping women as dumb decorative pieces - if you keep silent - you rather deserve a sample of that rather than the gem of a person you currently have.......

SCHOOLS and COLLEGES - are to be ready to - they have all senseless lessons in life - Wonder why "SELF DEFENSE" is not an important part of it.

I would make the parents of girls responsible too - if your daughter can come out of school being a math / science wiz why not a black belt in karate....

You have the common sense to take "Child Education Insurance" for the future have you thought of Child Safety insurance in the form of Self Defense....

I might sound very negative/pensive and angry but its true - parents today are busy sending their daughters to dance classes and music classes even to finishing schools - which I agree is good in a way - but why not Karate / any other self defense class.

How many parents of boys have thought of sending them to finishing school to learn how to behave well with a lady? - They would learn as they grow up right - why this fundamental difference in thought process - this is where the differences start from - HOME.

Exercise and fitness is a priority for boys why not girls - the fitter they are the better they can handle any such mishaps - if they are all alone.

I know this is all a vent and wishful to a certain extent - but its also very practical to my mind. As a child my parents gave me a lot of independence to do what I liked , have fun and discover life with a sense of safety...... we MUST work to pass on that as a LINEAGE to the next generation.

Girls/ Boys - all of them from the next generation must be taught "Lessons in Respecting Women" and valuing them in the system at all levels.

Am not sure how much this makes sense... but my New Year Resolution - for now is to "Choose to ACT"...... and ACT at the right time........

 Wishing you all a Happy New Year where you choose to make it a better life for yourself..........

 

 

Happy 2013......

 

Whom are we punishing really????

Like always this post has been lingering on in my mind for a while. And after seeing a series of events I realize I have this persistent question propping up time and again.....

Think about it :

Normally, In a scenario when someone errs - whom are you punishing and whom are you rewarding...

Let me give you some examples:

Case 1: At work

Your team decides to go on a movie outing and do a consensus say 50% of the people agree to come (the rest do not). At the last minute there are a few more dropouts so you are left with only 25% of the people coming now.

What do we normally do - Cancel the program

Whom have we Punished: The people who accepted and have stuck to their word and have taken time out for an outing.

Whom have we rewarded:  Those people who either ignored the event or changed their mind in the last minute.

And then when we do an event the next time do we really have the right to complain that people are not participating - did we bother to go and check why - maybe they think "it won't happen anyways"...

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?

Case 2: With Children

A group of kids are supposed to attend a drawing class. All the kids are on time and 2 ppl haven't come.

What do we normally do - Wait for 5 minutes

Whom have we Punished: The children who bothered to come on time and ensure that their sense of discipline and seriousness is intact.

Whom have we rewarded: The children who are late , and this to ensure that they do no miss out on any thing important in the lesson.

The child who goes on time will reason the next time "It doesn't matter if its 5 minutes late - the teacher will wait anyways - so we can go late".

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?

Case 3: Anyone who does a great job and gives you NO trouble

 This could be anyone - your driver , your maid , your team member at work - anyone at all. They do a great job - they don't do beyond their limits but what they do they do impeccably well.

You don't have to follow up , remind , review , check and verify any of their work. One said you can forget peacefully and the job will be done. There are no concerns on rework.

Blind rule - that person occupies minimum mind share and you can delegate and sleep peacefully.

All of us have such people around us.

Now - If this person were replaced with another who is not upto the mark - we then pull up our socks - we give them special attention - more time - more energy and we are generous with praise.

After goofing up a couple of times when they finally get it right we not only praise then but also give them "Rewards and Recognition".

Whom are we punishing really: The person who is good with their work and is great to have around.

Whom are we rewarding really: The person who is erring and learning and may be or may never be as good as the efficient person.

What is the message and what is the behavior we are driving?


Personally I don't have any problems with recognizing anyone who has stumbled and then learnt - but we must make it a point to recognize and give credit to the people who are correct from the start.

All the cases above talk of people who were right/ good from the beginning Versus people who were either wrong / learnt later in terms of expertise.

We often ignore that we are punishing the wrong set of people and sending across the wrong message then HOW can you expect to see a change.

You encourage one type of behavior and act stressed / surprised if you get the same back next time........ not done........

As I list down all these cases - I am just trying to get conscious about my own reward/punish impulses. 

"Actions speak louder than words" and as a parent I might be sending very Wrong messages to my children about what is desirable/ correct Vs what is undesirable/ incorrect.

No amount of talking will substantiate the correctness but one action from our side will put it all in perspective.

As I write this down I will be happy if a few people become cognizant of the powerful Rewarding / Punishing syndrome and work to ACT and SPEAK in alignment....

See you till something strikes again.....  :D :D