This is probably one of those periods of my life when I am knowing things about myself that are very contradictory to what I always thought I was. The period of self discovery as I might call it. It also brings with it a realization that we all change. And that's probably why something that was really good for me 10 years ago is hopeless for the same me right now, OR "Is it the SAME ME at all" is the question.
OK so before you dismiss my ramblings as nonsense here's the find that made me go this road. I have had some chances to observe myself in the recent past - some traits of me that are non-mutable. They will never change I guess. But others that have changed - for e.g. I loved studying. I was accredited with studying as a disease by one of my irate cousins. But now I realized I don't enjoy it soo much. I still love reading but that's for pleasure rather than the academic part of it. I might want to categorize this as Signs of old age maybe or even Signs of familial responsibilities. Whatever I brand it - I have changed and this realization came to me really recently.
Also I am not a movie buff - never was - but I also hated and resisted approaching the Idiot Box. But in the recent past I found myself not only tolerating it but also enjoying this. Surprised - absolutely but what brought this change - no idea, definitely not the quality of programmes that can start with some soap or a reality show in a jungle to some item girl getting hooked on national television.
These are just the periphery of the changes that have been happening in the Internal topography of mine. Will post as I discover, but am I even discovering something as I post this - am not sure.
C'ya till next time...
Be happy, Stay happy and keep discovering yourself :)
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Game called LIFE
As, I write this post I am in a state where there is lull before the storm kind of silence at work. The break that one often gets between two super challenging and hair pulling tasks. I am enjoying the leisure that comes with this fully aware that there is going to be something soon and that something is going to need all my strength and commitment. For the yet uninitiated - I am on BENCH :)
I have come across several comments in the past 3 weeks ( the duration of this luxurious paid holiday of mine till date). Some of them have asked me if i am not anxious since i don't have work to do. I totally believe if I don't get such breaks i will break. Non stop work hasn't done anyone good at any time. I am enjoying this gap - the freedom TO DO NOTHING is surely a great gift when normally you have tonnes to wind up. I have begun reading with more conviction. I am truly enjoying my much deserved break - and yes Absolutely totally Guilt FREE.
Then there is this second set of people who have been telling me - go pester your manager and get a project soon. I am not sure if I am that variety who can get paranoid and make others paranoid with the same conviction. One of the few skills that I am lacking in and am cognizant of it. Let's be realistic - its really in the company's interest if I get a project ( I'll be earning money for them Dude) and everyone above me with their head on their shoulders knows this VERY well. I really don't have to worry actually - there are others who are doing that bit for me, and i am confident that it will happen at the earliest possibility. Till then am enjoying life :)
I believe that like all other things in LIFE you WORK also balances itself. If you choose to relish the lenient patches you will love your work that follows and your work muscles will get time to repair themselves and get ready for a better stint next time with greater resilience. In the big picture of life a 3-4 weeks or even 2 months don't really matter as much as how much you loved doing what you did and how well you did it. Also this break gives you a chance to go and nourish your learning side - go pick up a skill - it could be a work related or non-work related skill but trust me I have found it works. Anything new that I learn leaves me charged and all set with much more Zeal and Enthusiasm , for instance my recent experiments with Blue and Green eyeliners probably :D (no casualties yet).
SO all those of you who have got this golden opportunity - go enjoy your life - smell the roses - let the sense of Freedom to do the little things like walking around the streets and talking to your friends excite you. This the Game of LIFE - it wouldn't be half as interesting without all these flavors and colors. And it's THE only LIFE we have (unlike our Catty friends ;) who have 9 ). Go get the best out of it and kick Guilt, Worry and all such negative emotions out of the door.
In the end what matters is not where you went but how much you loved the journey and the experience and how much you savoured the journey.. go give it you flavor. Its YOUR game of LIFE - make the RULES yourself.
I have come across several comments in the past 3 weeks ( the duration of this luxurious paid holiday of mine till date). Some of them have asked me if i am not anxious since i don't have work to do. I totally believe if I don't get such breaks i will break. Non stop work hasn't done anyone good at any time. I am enjoying this gap - the freedom TO DO NOTHING is surely a great gift when normally you have tonnes to wind up. I have begun reading with more conviction. I am truly enjoying my much deserved break - and yes Absolutely totally Guilt FREE.
Then there is this second set of people who have been telling me - go pester your manager and get a project soon. I am not sure if I am that variety who can get paranoid and make others paranoid with the same conviction. One of the few skills that I am lacking in and am cognizant of it. Let's be realistic - its really in the company's interest if I get a project ( I'll be earning money for them Dude) and everyone above me with their head on their shoulders knows this VERY well. I really don't have to worry actually - there are others who are doing that bit for me, and i am confident that it will happen at the earliest possibility. Till then am enjoying life :)
I believe that like all other things in LIFE you WORK also balances itself. If you choose to relish the lenient patches you will love your work that follows and your work muscles will get time to repair themselves and get ready for a better stint next time with greater resilience. In the big picture of life a 3-4 weeks or even 2 months don't really matter as much as how much you loved doing what you did and how well you did it. Also this break gives you a chance to go and nourish your learning side - go pick up a skill - it could be a work related or non-work related skill but trust me I have found it works. Anything new that I learn leaves me charged and all set with much more Zeal and Enthusiasm , for instance my recent experiments with Blue and Green eyeliners probably :D (no casualties yet).
SO all those of you who have got this golden opportunity - go enjoy your life - smell the roses - let the sense of Freedom to do the little things like walking around the streets and talking to your friends excite you. This the Game of LIFE - it wouldn't be half as interesting without all these flavors and colors. And it's THE only LIFE we have (unlike our Catty friends ;) who have 9 ). Go get the best out of it and kick Guilt, Worry and all such negative emotions out of the door.
In the end what matters is not where you went but how much you loved the journey and the experience and how much you savoured the journey.. go give it you flavor. Its YOUR game of LIFE - make the RULES yourself.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friendship - the different flavors
I had just opined "Life is full of relatives - keep distance from them and stay close to your absolutes (friends)" all puns intended.
In the past few days I have had an encounter with many facets of the special bond that we call FRIENDSHIP. I won't call this a relationship cause unlike the cliched relationships this is self nurturing, involves no compromise and is always enriching. A win-win situation in most of the cases.
Life has been quite a game in the past few months with both my spouse and my kiddo having some injuries at the same time. Kiddo had stitches on his arm and was back to normalcy but my poor DH had two of his toes fractured - result immobility for 6 weeks - more than enough to drive any sane person crazy.
It was during this time that one of my friends who made a trip to India from Newzeland- came all the way to Hyderabad for a Day and then came home to meet Satish. I am not sure if we had the opportunity to tell him how much it meant - the visit - because we were too busy in our little banter, but it did mean a whole lot. His trip and his thoughtfulness of coming to Hyderabad in the first place and ensuring he came home and met us since we couldn't go really meant a whole lot. Friends are these people.
I am just wondering if he would have been a relative - he wouldn't have come to Hyderabad - even if he did he would have a hazaar things to do so no time to meet up. We felt really good about this whole hearted gesture - the little things that we do to keep our friendship alive - we shall always cherish. PKG this is for you :)
Then there is this group of married women that i have befriended on a social networking site. I have not known any one of them earlier and have got introduced in there by fluke about 2 years ago. Did it add meaning to my life - yes would be a small word - a whole lot actually - to really know what contemporaries go through across the world gets painted in front of your eyes like a huge painting in a wide range of emotions and colors and i began appreciating the diversity of thought. The camaraderie we built and the bond that we cherished is beyond words.
I had a chance to meet a few of them over this weekend - it wasn't as if i was meeting strangers - it was as if this is a college reunion - actually i might feel more awkward at a reunion - felt more at home with these ladies. These people who made the most of the UTOPIA called Internet to add meaning to each others lives - thanks to you ladies I experienced a totally new flavor of friendship - TIA this is for you :)
I won't say all my friendships have been this enriching, that would be untrue. There have been some that have faded with time. Others that have been lost in the battle of egos and more such demons that stay implanted within us. There have also been some others that have just transformed into acquaintances from friendships - the result of non-proximity or changes that have happened to both me and the friend across the years.
However while i enjoyed them they were as fulfilling as the current friendships that i cherish. They were probably meant to change in order to keep the equilibrium and enable both the parties to make more friends.
This is just an ode to this wonderful bond called Friendship - The above is just a mention of the most recent occurring. If i were to list all the moments that touched me, they might be so many that i will need to write a book. For now am thanking GOD for these wonderful prized possessions and am praying that he keeps them coming :)
In the past few days I have had an encounter with many facets of the special bond that we call FRIENDSHIP. I won't call this a relationship cause unlike the cliched relationships this is self nurturing, involves no compromise and is always enriching. A win-win situation in most of the cases.
Life has been quite a game in the past few months with both my spouse and my kiddo having some injuries at the same time. Kiddo had stitches on his arm and was back to normalcy but my poor DH had two of his toes fractured - result immobility for 6 weeks - more than enough to drive any sane person crazy.
It was during this time that one of my friends who made a trip to India from Newzeland- came all the way to Hyderabad for a Day and then came home to meet Satish. I am not sure if we had the opportunity to tell him how much it meant - the visit - because we were too busy in our little banter, but it did mean a whole lot. His trip and his thoughtfulness of coming to Hyderabad in the first place and ensuring he came home and met us since we couldn't go really meant a whole lot. Friends are these people.
I am just wondering if he would have been a relative - he wouldn't have come to Hyderabad - even if he did he would have a hazaar things to do so no time to meet up. We felt really good about this whole hearted gesture - the little things that we do to keep our friendship alive - we shall always cherish. PKG this is for you :)
Then there is this group of married women that i have befriended on a social networking site. I have not known any one of them earlier and have got introduced in there by fluke about 2 years ago. Did it add meaning to my life - yes would be a small word - a whole lot actually - to really know what contemporaries go through across the world gets painted in front of your eyes like a huge painting in a wide range of emotions and colors and i began appreciating the diversity of thought. The camaraderie we built and the bond that we cherished is beyond words.
I had a chance to meet a few of them over this weekend - it wasn't as if i was meeting strangers - it was as if this is a college reunion - actually i might feel more awkward at a reunion - felt more at home with these ladies. These people who made the most of the UTOPIA called Internet to add meaning to each others lives - thanks to you ladies I experienced a totally new flavor of friendship - TIA this is for you :)
I won't say all my friendships have been this enriching, that would be untrue. There have been some that have faded with time. Others that have been lost in the battle of egos and more such demons that stay implanted within us. There have also been some others that have just transformed into acquaintances from friendships - the result of non-proximity or changes that have happened to both me and the friend across the years.
However while i enjoyed them they were as fulfilling as the current friendships that i cherish. They were probably meant to change in order to keep the equilibrium and enable both the parties to make more friends.
This is just an ode to this wonderful bond called Friendship - The above is just a mention of the most recent occurring. If i were to list all the moments that touched me, they might be so many that i will need to write a book. For now am thanking GOD for these wonderful prized possessions and am praying that he keeps them coming :)
Monday, March 16, 2009
The special day - when i learnt ADAPTABILITY
I am not a very birthday celebrations, plans and all that kind of person. Most of my birthdays are quiet with my family and a visit to the temple and some new stuff that I buy.
This year has been quite different with lots of cousins around and a big unexpected celebration and lots of fun. I kind of enjoyed it a lot. My kiddo was equally excited about this whole thing and the cake that he considers rightfully his irrespective of whose birthday it happens to be.
The best part of this birthday (and yes its not the years) was that my granny (Ammamaa - Mom's Mom) was with us and so we were actually 4 generations celebrating this whole thing together. We managed to take her to a Chinese joint where she just sat (I know its mean) but we had fun. Her coming was an achievement of sorts considering that she hails from a very remote village in Andhra Pradesh where there is still untouchability practiced.
She is one lady whom I epitomize - she was married off at 6 yrs of age, had 5 kids lost her husband at 39 yrs of age. Has lived her life with a very clear conscience. Her daughters in law are as close to her as her daughters. She has lived life in the actual orthodox Brahman way that the society demanded. She doesn't attend weddings ( if she does she is in the backstage). She doesn't converse with her sons-in-law directly. In the village she bathes in the morning doesn't touch anyone and performs her 2 hour puja. The house is washed when an onion is cooked.
The milkman that milks the cows is not allowed into the main entrance - he just places the milk outside the gate, she sprinkles turmeric water and then brings that into the kitchen. The maid has a special entrance and is not allowed into the house. All these rules are laid very clearly for all of us to follow when we go to her setup.
She comes to Hyderabad - takes the autos and the buses when required. Shops around with us in general bazaar with the same Enthusiasm that we exhibit, jokes around with my sis that she will wear jeans when she comes to the US. She even suggested a one shoulder frock for my cousin who is in grade 5 for her class party and then she comes to a Chinese restaurant without even batting an eyelid or wondering about the various dishes she will have to smell and see.
All this without a single sign of discomfort, if I were only half as considerate as her and half as adaptable as her the corporate world would be a breeze. We have issues at workplace which are much more sillier and simpler than this lady's adaptability issues. The basic difference is - We choose to Magnify while She chooses to Accommodate.
I learnt a very important lesson in Adaptability and Resilience to change on this Birthday of mine, probably these are signs of growing wiser as one ages. I began my journey on the other side of 30 with a very important lesson. I respect her and draw inspiration from here forever in matters like these. The simplicity with which she handles situations like these and makes it so easy for her family is amazing. I am just wondering how much it will take for us to get there.
This year has been quite different with lots of cousins around and a big unexpected celebration and lots of fun. I kind of enjoyed it a lot. My kiddo was equally excited about this whole thing and the cake that he considers rightfully his irrespective of whose birthday it happens to be.
The best part of this birthday (and yes its not the years) was that my granny (Ammamaa - Mom's Mom) was with us and so we were actually 4 generations celebrating this whole thing together. We managed to take her to a Chinese joint where she just sat (I know its mean) but we had fun. Her coming was an achievement of sorts considering that she hails from a very remote village in Andhra Pradesh where there is still untouchability practiced.
She is one lady whom I epitomize - she was married off at 6 yrs of age, had 5 kids lost her husband at 39 yrs of age. Has lived her life with a very clear conscience. Her daughters in law are as close to her as her daughters. She has lived life in the actual orthodox Brahman way that the society demanded. She doesn't attend weddings ( if she does she is in the backstage). She doesn't converse with her sons-in-law directly. In the village she bathes in the morning doesn't touch anyone and performs her 2 hour puja. The house is washed when an onion is cooked.
The milkman that milks the cows is not allowed into the main entrance - he just places the milk outside the gate, she sprinkles turmeric water and then brings that into the kitchen. The maid has a special entrance and is not allowed into the house. All these rules are laid very clearly for all of us to follow when we go to her setup.
She comes to Hyderabad - takes the autos and the buses when required. Shops around with us in general bazaar with the same Enthusiasm that we exhibit, jokes around with my sis that she will wear jeans when she comes to the US. She even suggested a one shoulder frock for my cousin who is in grade 5 for her class party and then she comes to a Chinese restaurant without even batting an eyelid or wondering about the various dishes she will have to smell and see.
All this without a single sign of discomfort, if I were only half as considerate as her and half as adaptable as her the corporate world would be a breeze. We have issues at workplace which are much more sillier and simpler than this lady's adaptability issues. The basic difference is - We choose to Magnify while She chooses to Accommodate.
I learnt a very important lesson in Adaptability and Resilience to change on this Birthday of mine, probably these are signs of growing wiser as one ages. I began my journey on the other side of 30 with a very important lesson. I respect her and draw inspiration from here forever in matters like these. The simplicity with which she handles situations like these and makes it so easy for her family is amazing. I am just wondering how much it will take for us to get there.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Motherhood Strategies
All along for a while now i have been trying to still understand what is management, in its various forms under several names and how it manifests itself in the corporate world. Why does a company invest in some positions on the top rung that do not contribute to the profit numbers directly but are all vital for its working well.
I have recently begun to understand that i have used most of the techniques in my parenting style ( very subconsciously) and they have bombed badly. Am not really sure if it's only my child ( mischief personified) or it is the same case all around the world.
We had recently gone to this industrial exhibition.. and i had prepared my kiddo well in advance that he can buy any 1 thing... a game / toy or anything else - but only ONE. What i totally forgot to clarify is that its 1 across his trip - so he conveniently applied this and said 1 from Mummy, 1 from Daddy, 1 from Grandpa , 1 from Grandma, 1 from Uncle and 1 from Aunt. By now i think he had all that he wanted and i was still wondering why i missed this point.
Then there was this other time that i tried to apply negotiation skills (now i regret). He has been asking for a bicycle for a few months now. I have promised that he can get it on his next birthday. Recently he came and asked for a desktop ( we don't have one yet). Then i told him - Look dear you can have either this or that - and you cannot choose 1 day before - you have to tell me now so that i can place an order.
After 2 days the conversation was like this :
Son - Mummy when i become big can i work on the computer
Me - Yes beta you can
Son - How many years do i have to be?
Me - (wondering where this is heading to) 10 to 12 years (did i say something too quickly)
Son - OK then i want a bicycle - when i am 10 you will automatically buy me a computer - i was pleased this negotiation thingie was working, probably a tad too early
After 2 more days
Son - Mummy you know my teacher in school told me children can use computer from 6 years onwards. You can go and talk to her and then buy me that computer next year when i become 10 you can then buy me computer 10 year olds use.
So this essentially means he wants both. Negotiation training failed - he gets what he wants...
After this point i have decided to stop applying all this at home and be a simple straightforward Mom.. i would rather be prepared than expect miracles.. am just hoping that there are better stories around the world.
I have recently begun to understand that i have used most of the techniques in my parenting style ( very subconsciously) and they have bombed badly. Am not really sure if it's only my child ( mischief personified) or it is the same case all around the world.
We had recently gone to this industrial exhibition.. and i had prepared my kiddo well in advance that he can buy any 1 thing... a game / toy or anything else - but only ONE. What i totally forgot to clarify is that its 1 across his trip - so he conveniently applied this and said 1 from Mummy, 1 from Daddy, 1 from Grandpa , 1 from Grandma, 1 from Uncle and 1 from Aunt. By now i think he had all that he wanted and i was still wondering why i missed this point.
Then there was this other time that i tried to apply negotiation skills (now i regret). He has been asking for a bicycle for a few months now. I have promised that he can get it on his next birthday. Recently he came and asked for a desktop ( we don't have one yet). Then i told him - Look dear you can have either this or that - and you cannot choose 1 day before - you have to tell me now so that i can place an order.
After 2 days the conversation was like this :
Son - Mummy when i become big can i work on the computer
Me - Yes beta you can
Son - How many years do i have to be?
Me - (wondering where this is heading to) 10 to 12 years (did i say something too quickly)
Son - OK then i want a bicycle - when i am 10 you will automatically buy me a computer - i was pleased this negotiation thingie was working, probably a tad too early
After 2 more days
Son - Mummy you know my teacher in school told me children can use computer from 6 years onwards. You can go and talk to her and then buy me that computer next year when i become 10 you can then buy me computer 10 year olds use.
So this essentially means he wants both. Negotiation training failed - he gets what he wants...
After this point i have decided to stop applying all this at home and be a simple straightforward Mom.. i would rather be prepared than expect miracles.. am just hoping that there are better stories around the world.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The dreaded R word
The whole world seems to be in a frenzy.. markets are dipping, investors are all ill due to the way the stock market is fluctuating. There is no job security, a lot of uncertainty in life - to the degree of how do we pay our bills for the next month. - RECESSION is the forbidden word like the Apple that ruined utopia.
Somewhere i feel this was a known fact. We saw it coming but chose to ignore it. When the going is all hunky dory we refused to acknowledge the fact that there is a balance that will force us to see a trough that follows this crest. We had got so used to Up-swing that we just forgot that there is a virtue called PRUDENCE. Somewhere in the convenience of a job that pays handsomely we forgot that there will be a rainy day.
A person who is in our situation 20 years back would have liked to save and make use of the money better. Most of our generation however, pledged our current and future earnings in EMI, got better homes, cars, gadgets but forgot about getting a better security fund. Why do we need one - when we have jobs like these was our rationale.. we only didn't think what if we don't have this job. I don't mean to hint that there is any impending danger to my current employment, however the market situation is so bad and when i see some of my friends affected it pains me.
I am not a lifestyle addict atleast not completely. I have had my own reservations about spending beyond capacity. However I still see a slight strain when it comes to spending like earlier. I see the need to exercise caution and spend carefully. I see value in the virtue of caution when it comes to Vitamin M.
I also feel this is a good time to foster relationships and spend more quality time with family. If we notice, the best things in life are actually free - spending quality time with my kid or spouse, meditating or exercising for relaxation, watching a movie at home together and many more such things.
All said and done - i would like to wake up at least now and be cautious, spend judiciously and save for the future. Have a discussion with my husband and draw up a financial plan, ensure that we spend cautiously. And like someone told me..
If you were to earn 1 Lakh every month for 20 years and save nothing OR if you were to earn 10 thousand every month and save 3 thousand - which is better?
Have an optimistic approach to live and a pessimistic approach to spending. Happy Planning ahead.
Somewhere i feel this was a known fact. We saw it coming but chose to ignore it. When the going is all hunky dory we refused to acknowledge the fact that there is a balance that will force us to see a trough that follows this crest. We had got so used to Up-swing that we just forgot that there is a virtue called PRUDENCE. Somewhere in the convenience of a job that pays handsomely we forgot that there will be a rainy day.
A person who is in our situation 20 years back would have liked to save and make use of the money better. Most of our generation however, pledged our current and future earnings in EMI, got better homes, cars, gadgets but forgot about getting a better security fund. Why do we need one - when we have jobs like these was our rationale.. we only didn't think what if we don't have this job. I don't mean to hint that there is any impending danger to my current employment, however the market situation is so bad and when i see some of my friends affected it pains me.
I am not a lifestyle addict atleast not completely. I have had my own reservations about spending beyond capacity. However I still see a slight strain when it comes to spending like earlier. I see the need to exercise caution and spend carefully. I see value in the virtue of caution when it comes to Vitamin M.
I also feel this is a good time to foster relationships and spend more quality time with family. If we notice, the best things in life are actually free - spending quality time with my kid or spouse, meditating or exercising for relaxation, watching a movie at home together and many more such things.
All said and done - i would like to wake up at least now and be cautious, spend judiciously and save for the future. Have a discussion with my husband and draw up a financial plan, ensure that we spend cautiously. And like someone told me..
If you were to earn 1 Lakh every month for 20 years and save nothing OR if you were to earn 10 thousand every month and save 3 thousand - which is better?
Have an optimistic approach to live and a pessimistic approach to spending. Happy Planning ahead.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Year 2009 - New Beginnings
Hmm.... the year 2009 is unique. I have a ton of resolutions .... some of them being
To loose weight (this has been around for a couple of years now) - this time though i want to get serious. I have seen a bunch of people who have done something about it - i know its about a lifestyle change and calorie deficit etc.. if anyone were to ask me - trust me i would have more info than any other lean being on the face of this earth but what is more required is probably the lack of one P and the presence of the other P .. i mean lack of Procrastination and presence of Persistence.
To learn how to drive - i know this has been a killer - for someone as independent as me to be tied due to lack of this skill is really really nerve wrecking sometimes.. am trying to come to terms with all the idiots on the road while i try to be one of them.
To be more patient with my kid - lest i become a patient due to anxiety/ depression. Also another thing i noticed - my kiddo never gets annoyed when i shout at him - or when i object.. he just seems to know how not to listen. I think i will find alternatives to the regular parenting routines or make peace with his style of playing which actually means bringing the house down.
Finally to blog more regularly - this is one vent i have which provides me a chance to de-stress and also to visit my own state of mind after a period of time. This is my own personal diary albeit a little less private and more privy to the world.Hoping that this year turns out to be really special and with several new beginnings and as always i believe that the Year 2009 will be Unique - like all other years that went by.
Have a Happy New Year 2009
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