Across my 16+ years of work life - if there is 1 common constant - that has helped me learn - its the Mentors I choose. Not all of them have been wonderful.
Some have engaged with me in a dialogue that has given me insights and some have just held onto the working relationship because they probably could not refuse or I was just a number in their mentoring repertoire
That said I will still say - "If you want to enjoy your work journey - get a Mentor". One should have not more than 3 mentors at any given point in time - in context of your work.
Also classify why you engage in the relationship. In my case - I have one Work-Lifestyle mentor - someone who is a lady - fairly senior - understands my trials and tribulations at work. Who will sense my apprehensions with decisions I make. More of a Personal Coach. Another one of my mentor is a techie - geek personified and I look up to that person to give me specific guidance in a specific aspirational area.
A lot of us work - and it is not uncommon to find a "Mentor in a Manager" - that is a great place to be in. To have a rewarding relationship as a Mentor / Mentee - we need to be interested in the journey. As a mentor myself - I can state for a fact that if there is no interest - this will do more harm than good. Its easier to refuse the relationship than get into it and not do the right thing.
I have had cases where I have repeatedly tried to reach out to the mentor with no response (at an emotional level) - we are talking but there is a lag- the answers are all great to my questions - but the shine in the eye is missing. They give time - but they don't give their intent and heart - and its no good. Lesson I learnt out of that - I will never mentor if I don't agree to it in principle.
No matter how sincere you try to appear - not being engaged - will tell. At a most basic human level the other person can sense your disinterest.
As a Mentee - One must try and find someone who one can look up to - not to fix your problems but to give you a new point of view to think of. To help pause and reassess before one jumps to conclusions.
As a Mentor - its a learning - from some point in life that we left behind. A time machine moment - where you get to hear of someone who is still in the journey that you experienced many years back. And Yes - the journey and experiences will be very different and that's where the Mentor learns from.
One of my Best Mentors - Chandra - was also my manager - he gave me guidance with subtle nuances. The biggest gift I was given as a relative new comer in the industry was trust and space - Trust to do my job well and Space to plan and do it at my pace.
There are many things about this Mentoring relationship that I fondly look back and I draw lessons from it to this day - of my tenure with that manager. So much that when I moved to another team and group my sense of purpose declined so much - that I moved out of the Organization.
All of us have undeclared Mentors in our Life - a female friend, some one who is an older sibling , a friend who is older in school, sometimes our parents , uncles /aunts who we are very close to - anyone who has been there done that - who we think are cool and who we trust enough to go pour our heart out... Take a look at your life - your Mentors and their attitudes do have a tell on your life - so choose carefully. When you choose a mentor you give control over some part of you thought process to that person - and that is a huge responsibility. Give it to people who will value it.
I write this today because I realized my 11 year old has associations - automatic mentors in life - from seniors in the community to people he looks up to. I do hope that he gets good Mentors in his life - because the lessons that one learns are far more deep and will enrich him better as a human being.
"Learn to see life through a prism rather than a single colored lens" - that is what Mentors allow us to do - they pull us out of our conditioning and thought process and help us enjoy another Point of View and That Jouney with a Right Mentor - is Priceless.....
